


You better think before you drown

by littlecountrymouse



Category: Animal Kingdom (TV)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, M/M, Not quite getting back together but heading there, S1EP7 AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-18
Updated: 2018-10-18
Packaged: 2019-08-03 21:01:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16333403
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlecountrymouse/pseuds/littlecountrymouse
Summary: Adrian’s walking away, and Deran has a feeling that this is it - he either does something or the only part of his life that actually belongs to him will be gone.





	You better think before you drown

**Author's Note:**

> Hey again, everyone. Another one from me, because you'll drag me out of this fandom kicking and screaming!
> 
> I couldn't help writing this after watching how Deran was just soo close to chasing Adrian down the driveway at the party, and if he hadn't seen Craig, I think he would have. So this is kind of how I hope it would have gone if Craig had been tucked back out of sight a little that day.
> 
> Thank you so much to allthehearteyes for the massive amount of hand-holding, editing suggestions and cheerleading on this one, and Ires-posts for letting me ramble and annoy you endlessly, as usual.
> 
> Let me know what you think! On here, or come hit me up on dixiethumbelina.tumblr.com anytime.

Deran shouldn’t follow Adrian. People will see and they’ll wonder why he’s chasing after his moody friend instead of hanging out with the girl he’d found near the pool - he doesn’t even know her name. Jenn, maybe? No, that was her friend. Fucked if he knows, she doesn’t matter anyway. 

She never did. But Adrian’s always mattered, and now he’s pissed off and scared - of _Deran._

He’s got to try to fix that. With Dave out of the picture, Deran hadn’t thought things were good, exactly, but he’d thought he’d have some time to make it right again. Apparently not.

But if he sees anyone, Deran’ll probably turn right the fuck around again.

His phone buzzes insistently in his pocket, a phone call and then two texts, but he doesn’t stop to check them. He’s got a feeling that if he lets Adrian get away, it’ll be damaged worse than what Deran can fix.

For fuck’s sake, he wishes Adrian had shorter fucking legs. By the time Deran makes sure nobody’s watching and gets out of the driveway, the guy’s halfway up the road, about to open his car door.

“Hold up.” Adrian doesn’t even stop, and Deran has to jog to catch him, getting hold of his bicep and tugging gently. “Hold up, would you? Jesus.”

Adrian spins, glaring fire at him. Deran smothers back how much he hates that look. 

“What do you want?” 

Deran’s gaze flicks from Adrian, to the car, to the road and back down the street towards Smurf’s. Nobody’s around. He can do this. He leans in, enough to make his intentions obvious, closes his eyes, and waits for Adrian to meet him halfway like he always does.

He doesn’t expect the open-handed push against the side of his face, or how Adrian gets his other hand between them and shoves him backwards so that he stumbles, thrown off-balance in more ways than one. “What the hell, man?”

Adrian never turns down a kiss from him, especially not one in anything resembling a public place. But now he looks ready to kill Deran, not let him get closer. 

“Seriously? You think _that’s_ gonna make things better after what you’ve done?”

Christ, he’s _furious._ Deran has never been able to cope with an angry Adrian any better than he has a crying one, and it leaves him off-balance, struggling to find his footing and figure out what the hell to do.

“Sorry. Jesus. Just thought, maybe …” He trails off, hands up between them for a moment before he drops them when Adrian flinches.

Alright. Deran deserves that. “I’m sorry, okay?”

For all of it. Not Dave, really. It would have been better if Dave fucking drowned. But he should never have hit Adrian, not to hide him from J.

“Really?” Adrian leans in then, at his full height, and it’s rare that he does that, lets himself be taller than Deran. “Or are you just sorry that I won’t put up with it anymore?”

Deran’s heart twinges in his chest. Adrian has always been happy enough to go along with whatever Deran needs, with only the odd argument about things he’s usually able to fix easily. “No, I get it. I fucked up.” 

“Oh, you get it.” Adrian nods sarcastically, nose wrinkled up like Deran is shit on the bottom of his shoe. He’s not wrong. “Bullshit. You just think you’ll half-ass it again and I’ll keep dealing with all the crap you throw my way.” He shakes his head, leans back to undo his door. “I’m not doing it anymore, Deran. I can’t _do_ this.”

_Fuck._

Deran reaches out, gets a hold of Adrian’s hoodie sleeve before he climbs into the car and takes off out of Deran’s life for good. “Christ, just wait would you?” _Let me try to fix this._

Adrian stops, at least, back against the car. He grinds his jaw for a minute and glares Deran down, like he can see straight through his shit and read everything inside his head. “You’ve got one minute.” 

Given the circumstances, Deran thinks that’s pretty generous, really. 

He can’t look at Adrian while he’s so damned mad, but he gets a feeling that if he keeps glancing down the street to check if they’re being watched, Adrian will leave anyway. So Deran stares at Adrian’s mirror, the side of the hood. The neighbor’s dog in the yard across the street wagging its tail at them. 

“I get it, okay? I went too far. I’m sorry.” He is, he really is. It had torn at something inside him to see Adrian on the ground, that horrible noise he’d made and the way he still didn't fight Deran. It had only made a bigger hole when he’d seen him at the shop, bruised and stiff, but still ready to tear strips off Deran.

“With what, exactly?” It’s the hardest Adrian’s voice has been with him in so long.

“The bathroom. Your place.” He bites at his lip, figures lying a bit won’t hurt him here. “Dave.”

He’s sorry about Dave, alright. Mostly that Adrian decided to go out with him in the first place. That he couldn’t just be happy enough with what Deran could give him for now. That Deran was so obviously lacking in everything Adrian wanted that he had to go find it in fucking _Dave._

“Uh-huh.” That’s pretty disbelieving. 

“I am!” 

“You’re just sorry I was with him at all.” 

Fuck. There’s a downside to being involved with someone who knows you so well. “Yeah. But, I mean …” Deran scrubs his hands over his face while he tries to keep from losing his temper, or even worse, crying. It gives him a chance to think of what the fuck to say to stop things getting worse than they are.

Not for the first time, he wishes he was good at this part, like Baz and Craig are. 

“I’m sorry he gave you what you wanted. When I… you know. I get it.” 

That didn’t come out right. He frowns and goes to start again, but Adrian’s hand covers one of his for a moment, as gentle as always, and it stops Deran for a moment, shakes him into blinking up at Adrian.

He doesn’t look quite so mad anymore, more like he’s just worn out. That’s an improvement Deran is willing to work with. His phone buzzes again and again, and he doesn’t give a fuck if Smurf's rolling on them right now, he ignores it. He has to make Adrian a priority here, or he’ll leave Deran in the dust.

“Do you really get it though? That I went with him because I’m tired of the hiding and being scared all the time, of what you’ll do if someone catches us again? What you’ll do if I decide to see someone else?” 

That glimmer of hope disappears, and Adrian gets himself into Deran’s space, only a couple inches from each other, and the alarm starts going in his head _they’ll see they’ll see everyone will see._

But he smothers it, stays still so that Adrian can tilt his head and stare at him, his mouth hard. “Do you get that you’re it for me, that you’ve _always_ been it for me, but that I can’t deal with the place we’re in now?”

Deran nods and drops his head, not really following the conversation as well as he’d like to but knowing he’s screwed up badly. That Adrian went to someone else because Deran is such an asshole that he ruined even this, the only thing he’s ever had of his own. 

Adrian gets his hand up to the back of Deran’s neck, and he’s so busy staring at the ground and trying to blink the tears away that refuse to dry up, that he doesn’t notice until he’s resting it there, long fingers bracketing his neck and thumb brushing behind his ear.

He stays still as he can, desperate to not screw up here, but Deran doesn’t know what to _do._ But he can at least look Adrian in the eye while he figures it out.

He wishes he hadn’t. Mad and tired and hurting all at once, Adrian looks nearly as shitty as Deran feels, and he has no idea what he can do to just get him to smile, to look less like he’s a step away from leaving.

“I …” He wants to ask what Adrian wants from him, what he needs to do to make it right again, but his throat is hard and the words don’t come easy, so he tries something different.

“I could try?” He doesn’t hold out much hope, really. He’s not that brave.

Adrian shakes his head, eyes softer. “It’s alright, man. I get it. I know you can’t.” 

He could, maybe. Just not here. That’s why he suggested Belize, but he’ll go anywhere people don’t know them and he can just be what Adrian needs for once. 

Deran doesn’t know how to say that, though, and he feels queasy trying to untangle the words so that he doesn’t sound like an idiot. He stares at their shoes next to one another, so close yet so fucking far away when all he wants to do is curl up next to Adrian and pretend none of this ever happened. That he isn’t such a screw up. That he isn’t just a lying, cowardly dumbass who can't seem to get any of the important stuff right.

It takes him a few goes, his mouth open and flapping like a fish a couple times, and Deran can’t believe how stupid he probably looks, but he can’t give up now. 

“Would you let me?” He gulps back the nausea bubbling in his gut and pushes through. “There’s a job soon. A lot of cash. I thought we could leave for a while, get things right. I could, I don’t know. Ease in. Get used to it.”

 _Ease in._ He’s been easing into this for the last five fucking years, but Deran still feels like he’s barely got his feet in the water and he can’t stop looking for the shark about to chew him to pieces, while Adrian is neck deep and living it up.

But he has to try, or Adrian will leave, and then Deran is so very screwed. And by the sour look on his face, he isn’t keen on the idea of going away together.

Deran feels sick. “I just want it to be okay. Please?” 

_Please show me how to make it right._

Adrian huffs humorlessly. “Another Belize isn’t going to fix it this time, man.”

Deran nods, his throat blocked by a ball of misery and his chest tight. This is bad. This is so very fucking bad.

Adrian has only pulled the pin on them once before, and Deran had wound up in bed with a chick that time. Belize fixed that.

If it can’t do it again, Deran is out of ideas.

“What do you need me to do?” Adrian has always been the smart one. Following his lead might be the best option here.

Adrian sighs. “I don’t even know anymore, man. I just … want normal.”

Deran snorts. Well, if that’s the case, then he’s fucked before he’s even tried. Adrian at least sort of smiles at him in return, a little bit of the light returning to his eyes.

“Yeah, that might be a step too far.” He shrugs. “I don’t know. I just …” He shakes his head, leaning heavily against the side of the car, which takes him out of Deran’s space but also seems to say that he’s willing to stay and talk a bit longer. “I can’t worry about being hurt. I can’t worry about what you’ll do to other people in my life. I can’t _hide_ anymore.” 

Shit. Deran nods, staring at the door handle behind Adrian. “I won’t hurt you again.”

When Adrian raises his eyebrows and glares at him, he sighs and rolls his eyes. “Or anyone else, Jesus Christ.”

“And I can try. For the rest.” He rushes ahead when it looks like he’s about to lose him, Adrian rolling his eyes and reaching for the handle. “Not forever. Just til I get my own place and a job away from them, okay?”

He’s had the idea in his head for a while, for the next time he couldn’t cope with Smurf’s shit anymore. He just needs to find something consistent enough to pay the bills.

“And how long will that take, Deran?” Adrian sounds exhausted, and it’s all his fault. He shrugs, picks at his thumbnail with an unsteady hand. 

“I don’t know. Might use the cash to get a house, but I need to find a way to pay the bills.”

He can do this. Or at least he can try. He’d get away with telling his family that Adrian is just his roommate, that’s perfectly believable. He can find some work, he can move out where Smurf doesn't have such a strong hold on him.

Adrian nods. “And do you expect me to help you hide for the rest of your life?” 

Yes. Deran really, _really_ wants that. But he won’t get away with saying it. “No. No, I promise, I’ll do it.”

When Smurf dies and his brothers and his nephew all end up in prison, maybe.

Adrian squints at him for a moment, and it feels like he’s staring straight into Deran’s soul, able to see all the fucked up stuff inside him. He waits for the snarl when Adrian figures out he can do so much better than him, and drives away and never looks back.

He finally nods. “Alright. But,” He holds up one hand, and the rush of relief drops away again, leaving Deran shaky and off balance from teetering on the edge over and over. “I’ve got a time limit.”

“Yeah, okay.” Deran nods, smothering the part of him that’s shaking with nerves.

“You’ve got six months to get yourself together and admit the truth, or I swear to you, I will not keep doing this. You’re going to self-destruct if you keep going like this, and I’m not being taken down with you.” 

Deran winces. He knows Adrian is right. He knows he’s … well, like Adrian. But doing anything about it is a step he doesn’t think he can take. 

His Mom will freak out. He won’t be her baby boy anymore, especially not now that she has J to love on. His brothers already think he’s a pussy fuck-up as it is. If he admitted that, all of them would be even worse to him.

But the other option is going to cost him Adrian. 

He’ll just have to deal with it when the time comes. 

“Alright.” 

“I’m serious, Deran. Don’t agree if you won’t do it.” Adrian’s jaw is set with determination, and no matter how much of Deran’s crap he’s put up with for the last twelve years, he’s pretty sure that this is the end. Either he gets himself figured out, or he’ll lose the only thing in his life that’s actually his.

He doesn’t know what to say to Adrian, so he just nods and stares back at his feet, his arms wrapping around himself. It isn’t cold out, but it feels like there’s a block of ice in his chest and he can’t shift it. Adrian’s moves as though he’s going to go, leaving their conversation there, and Deran … he doesn’t know what he wants, other than things to stay as much the same as possible, but he knows he doesn’t want Adrian to leave just yet.

“It's the same, you know?” He blurts out. When it just gets Adrian furrowing his brows in confusion, Deran forces himself to keep going. “With what you said about it being me. Well, same. For me.” 

Adrian’s eyes go wide, the dark blue sparkling in the light. “Huh. That’s … that’s cool, man.” 

Alright, the feeling of making Adrian fucking Dolan struggle to get out a coherent sentence is pretty cool. Deran can appreciate that, even though his hands are slick with sweat and he feels dizzy. “Yeah.” 

Damn it, he’s got to learn to be better at this stuff. A grown man shouldn’t fall apart admitting … that.

“Still. Six months, or I walk. And we aren’t keeping this going while I wait. If I want to sleep with someone else, I will, and there’s nothing you can do about it.” 

Deran’s jaw clenches, the hurt and anger and self-hatred he’d felt when he figured out about Dave rushing back and making him want to hurt something else in return. Or at least fight it like a man, instead of just rolling over and letting Adrian make all the demands, even though he deserves to.

But when he opens his mouth to protest, Adrian just glares at him and the desire to tear the world apart at the thought of him with someone else drains away in the space of a couple of seconds. “Okay.” 

He can’t afford to argue right now. He hates it, hates it more than anything, but he can’t do shit about it except for give in, and hope that eventually Adrian will only be with him again.

Adrian grins at him like he’s just won a medal, or at least passed a very important test, and he suddenly seems a lot keener to allow Deran in his space. 

At most, Deran is hoping he’ll be allowed to try for a very public-appropriate hug. He doesn’t even expect that, let alone Adrian glancing around at the empty street and tugging him in by his shirt collar for a kiss.

Deran goes easily and lets himself get lost in Adrian’s mouth, one hand coming up to clench in his hair and the other settling over his hip, holding his steady. Holding him _here._

Christ, he loves kissing Adrian. And that’s gay, he knows, but it’s still his favorite part, above all the other shit they do together. It’s like surfing together, but just that little bit better, the rush just a little stronger. It makes him feel like he isn’t a screw-up, that all the shit he’s done wrong can just fade away and he can be whatever Adrian wants him to be.

He has to pull back for a minute and rest against Adrian’s forehead, breathless and dizzy, but feeling less like the sky’s going to land on him any minute now. He drags his eyes open, glad to see Adrian looks just as gone as he feels.

“What do you want?” He means it. He’ll do anything Adrian wants, right now, as long as Adrian keeps kissing him and lets Deran pretend things are okay for a little bit longer.

Adrian smiles, looking exhausted but so much happier than he did at the party. “You to keep your word. That’s all.”

“I will.” He tugs Adrian back in, only to have him move back. For fuck’s sake, what did he do wrong this time? 

“This is just a promise, okay? We’re not doing anything after this, not til it’s sorted.” But Adrian’s voice is soft and gravelly, just the way Deran likes it, and he’s tugging Deran’s hair and making him shiver for all the right reasons.

“Yeah.” He gets it. And the kiss he gives in return is a promise, too. Deran can do this. He can fix this, can make himself a person that Adrian will want to keep. 

Six months apart isn’t so bad. He managed before. 

He tugs Adrian in, hands clenched in his hoody, and Adrian comes to him easily with a quiet moan, letting himself fall into the kiss like he needs it as bad as Deran does.

They’re so tangled up in each other, and in Deran’s case, relief that he didn’t ruin things permanently, that neither of them hear the footsteps coming up the road. They don’t know they’re being watched until it’s far too late to do anything about it.

“Yo, bro!”

_Shit._

That can only be Craig.

Craig can’t have missed what they were doing - they might be pressed against Adrian’s car, but there’s a clear line of sight back down to Smurf’s.

Fuck. Fuck fuck _fuck._ There’s no way this doesn’t look like anything other than what it is, and Deran can see the panic he feels reflected back in Adrian’s face when he jerks away.

No. It’s _fear._ He’s scared again. Scared Deran is going to beat the shit out of him because someone saw, and he can’t do it twice and it won't fix it anyway, but he doesn’t know what else to _do._

“Hey, it’s all good, bro. Adrian, stop looking like you’re gonna puke, man, it’s okay.” 

One of Craig’s huge paws is on each of their shoulders then, his honest grin at Deran’s left, and screw Adrian puking, Deran’s pretty sure he will.

He freezes in place, not sure where the hell he’s supposed to look or what he should do that won’t make everything somehow worse than it already is. If he runs or lies to Craig, Adrian will leave for good. If he runs, Craig will catch him anyway. If he starts a fight with Craig, he’ll lose.

He’ll tell Smurf. And Baz, and Pope. And fucking J will know he was right and he’ll tell Smurf what Deran did to him to keep him quiet in the first place. 

Smurf will probably throw him out of the family on his ass, like she did to Julia.

Christ, Deran’s managed to ruin his fucking life with one fucking kiss, and he hasn’t even got Adrian to show for it. Even if his whole family knows he’s a fucking fag, Deran will mess up all the shit he needs to do, and Adrian won’t stay.

He can’t get air in, his lungs filled with cement. The world starts to fade out on him, and he can see Adrian’s mouth moving but he can’t make out a single word over the buzz in his skull, his face cold and his fingers tingling. 

When he can finally see again, Deran finds out that he’s on his ass on the sidewalk, Craig’s massive arm around his shoulders and Adrian crouched in front of him.

He’s still pale and terrified, but his hands are on top of Deran’s on top of his knees, and it looks fucking gay, and Craig’s here and Craig isn’t supposed to see, but Deran thinks that feels wrong. He just doesn’t know why. 

The two of them are talking, but he can barely make out the words. It’s like he’s underwater, everything muffled and warped.

“- Deran? Bro, breathe, alright?” That’s Craig. He sounds freaked out too, and that’s weird. Craig gets mad, gets mopey, gets happy and horny and ridiculous. He doesn’t get scared.

Ah. Air. Yeah, that might be a good idea. It feels like he’s been pinned down longer than his limit, and it makes sense, then, that Adrian is here to pull him up like he always does. The job of pulling oxygen into his lungs should be easy, he’s done it his whole life, but he can’t make himself do it. He just keeps staring at Adrian’s hands on his and thinking how right that looks.

“Deran, come on, breathe.” Adrian squeezes his hands firmly, holds it, then releases, over and over. Deran watches the pattern, tries to get his oxygen-starved brain to get itself together, then does his best to follow it with his breathing.

“That’s it, man, well done.” 

They’ve been down this road before. Not often - Deran isn’t that much of a pussy. But a couple times he’s been overwhelmed by something they’ve done, or that Adrian wants to do, and he’s gone down this path instead of running away. 

Adrian has always been good at talking him back to himself. 

“You okay to stand up?”

Deran would rather not, thanks, but he nods, then takes the hand Adrian offers him. He doesn’t end up needing it, because Craig can and has benched Deran’s weight before and just fucking drags him up like he weighs nothing. He wobbles for a couple of seconds, but between the two of them helping him keep his balance, he gets his feet under him.

It should be awkward , with Adrian staring at him and still holding his hand, mostly because Deran can’t actually get his fingers to let go of him, and Craig staring at both of them with the stupidest fucking grin he’s ever seen on the guy’s face (and that’s saying something, because Craig generally looks pretty fucking stupid,) but it’s not. It feels right, and something that’s been heavy in Deran’s gut his whole life suddenly lets go. 

He might be able to have this. Even if he only has Craig at his back, he might be able to make it work with Adrian.

“What … Why’re you here?” His voice sounds wrong, way too soft, but Craig figures it out easily enough and shrugs at him. 

“I figured maybe if you knew I knew, you wouldn’t make such a big fuck up of it.” He grins then, all teeth like a dopey fucking shark. “Guess I didn’t have to worry, huh?”

Deran and Adrian glance at one another, and one day maybe he’ll tell his brother than he’d fucked things up long before the party, but for now it looks like Adrian is willing to keep his mouth shut, and Deran is too. 

“How did you know?” Adrian’s still so pale his freckles are standing out like crazy, but he’s at least able to talk like a normal person, which puts him a few steps above Deran, whose tongue has apparently turned to sand.

Craig shrugs. “I went for a leak a couple years ago, at that party at Mac’s old place? Found you two down the side of the house. Everything sort of made sense then.” 

Deran remembers that party. There’d been some good weed going around, the drinks were flowing, and he couldn’t stop staring at Adrian. He’d given up late in the night and dragged him away, out of sight, kissed him until they were both breathless and then blown him, so drunk he barely cared if anyone saw him. 

He wonders which part Craig had seen, and then decides he doesn't really want to know. But that means Craig knows about them and doesn’t care, and okay, Deran … Deran is extremely freaked out by that, but it lifts a lot of the load off him. At least one of his brothers is cool with it. J too, maybe. He certainly didn’t seem to have an issue with it til Deran tried to drown him.

“And you’re okay with it?” Deran doesn’t know how that managed to get out of his mouth, and his voice squeaks at the start so he’s not sure anyone understands him. But Craig smiles at him, softer than usual, and Adrian’s hand brushes gently against the back of his. It’s nothing different to what they’d normally do, but it feels … bigger, now. 

“Bro. I don’t care. Never wanted to know about your sex life, don’t want to now. But it’s cool. You and A. You’re alright. I’m not gonna go tell anyone.”

Deran nods and chews on his bottom lip, still not sure it’s sunk in that he’s been working his ass off to hide, he’s nearly wrecked everything trying to make sure nobody knows, but it was for nothing. J knows. Craig knows. If those two have managed to catch him, then there’s no way at least Baz doesn’t know, and if he does then so will Smurf.

Deran smothers down the anger at the idea that his mom might know and just hasn’t bothered to tell Deran, hasn’t bothered to help him when he’s been drowning in fucking terror the whole time. When Adrian frowns at him, eyes worried as hell, Deran shakes his head.

He’ll deal with the rest of his family another day, when he doesn’t have to live under the same roof as any of them.

Adrian nods at him and smiles, and Craig is looking back and forth between them like they’re the most interesting thing he’s ever seen.

Craig might be a bit high.

“Pretty rude having a conversation when I can’t understand it, you two.” His voice is mild, but Deran can tell he’s curious as hell, and when they’re drunk next time he’s pretty sure his brother is going to embarrass the shit out of him with stupid questions Deran doesn’t know the answer to.

“It’s all good. I gotta go, anyway. Jess needs a hand unpacking.” 

Deran doesn’t want to let him go, because that’ll be it - no more pretending things are okay. He’s got six months from the minute Adrian leaves and that’s it. But he won’t fight Adrian on leaving, so he nods and steps to the side, gives Adrian the space to go whenever he wants. 

Deran’s pretty sure that’s it then, that they’ll just say goodbye like normal people, but Adrian doesn’t just turn away and climb in his car. He pulls him into what could be just a friendly hug, but both of them hold on for too long and neither of them mention how Deran is burrowing his face into Adrian’s neck like he wants to be part of him.

Even if his brother is standing there, probably laughing his ass off inside his head at how much of a pussy Deran’s been about everything, Deran thinks he could probably stay here for the rest of his life, breathing in salt and sweat and resin, and the soap Adrian always uses.

“I really do have to go. But I’ll see you around, okay?” Adrian’s smile is small, but it’s real, and Deran answers it with one of his own.

“Sure.” Deran sounds nervous even inside his own head, and Adrian apparently hears it, because he tugs Deran back in again. 

“Stop stressing, you idiot. Let me know how you’re doing, yeah?” 

Deran nods. He can do that. Adrian steps back and gets in his car, but he’s smiling, and Deran thinks he smiles back, but his brain is still short-circuiting somewhere along the line and he can’t really make anything in his body work the way it should.

It’s when he starts the engine and goes to pull out onto the street that Deran comes around, and his heart sinks again. He doesn’t know if he can watch this part. 

“Come on, bro. I’ve got some good shit back home for you to try, get you mellowed out somewhere.” Craig’s arm wraps around his neck and pulls, and Deran is too wrecked not to follow him. He does end up watching Adrian drive away, but it doesn’t feel like the world has completely fucking collapsed around him anymore.

Adrian is sticking around if Deran gets his shit together. 

Craig knows. Craig doesn’t care. Craig is actually _cool_ with it. 

Jesus, Deran wishes he’d known that two years ago. Maybe he wouldn’t have made such a fucking huge mess of things if he’d known he’d have someone from his family in his corner. 

But he elbows Craig and grins shakily, because he can still manage to make things right.

This is a one in a lifetime sort of chance, one he’s not willing to throw away.

“Yeah. Yeah, alright.”


End file.
